Born Again Goddess

Goodness, it has been a year since I last wrote within this sacred space. I have felt such a yearning to reconnect to my inner creativity guide to allow love and light to flow onto page. I’m not sure where she went. I’ve missed her terribly. In my mind’s eye, she has tattoos of blue woad that flow through her fingers into a fountain pen that pours out words from a source beyond my understanding.

There should have been much to say since last June, but perhaps it was too heavy to share. For one thing, a woman for whom I was providing once-weekly care, fell in her bathroom on a Sunday and could not call for help. I normally would not have seen her again until Thursday, but my swiss-cheese memory let a monthly checklist fall through the holes, and I didn’t want her mild dementia to keep her from taking her pills or feeding her dog. So, upon arriving the day before a new month began rather than four days later, I found her bleeding from her head on the bathroom floor, where she had lain more than 24 hours. I’ve written before that this memory thing can be a blessing and a curse. This time – a blessing! I spent weeks through her recovery, however, in great remorse over not having gone over a day earlier. It was a difficult trauma from which to recover… for both of us.

She did survive the fall, thank the gods! I visited her in the hospital and rehab throughout her recovery and when she was healed enough for travel, her nieces arranged for her to live in a lovely care facility near them in another state. She is safe and well and I’ve been able to visit her twice in her new home. It’s such a relief to meet the caregivers of those we love to see that the love we feel is mirrored in their care.

Immediately following her departure, I was invited to work with another beautiful being whose family needed support with her care. After my recent experience, I was able to convince her that it would be lovely to stay in her home, but that it would be safer for her to be where she could be watched over and cared for in a way that her family could not physically or energetically handle. She, too, is now happily settled into a home that she often reports is her new happy place.

In October, I started facilitating a Caregiver Support Group with my Unitarian Church community, which enables me to utilize skills I fortified and things I learned in Heather Plett’s Holding Space Leadership course that I completed at the beginning of the pandemic. The depth of love and caring we can develop for others in the process of sharing our fears and frustrations, strengths and sorrows is immense. We offer one another an empathetic ear and a judge-free shoulder to help carry each others’ burdens. We also share tricks and tools that we’ve learned as we’ve scrambled to keep our loved ones safe and seen by a healthcare industry that frequently fails the elder population. It is a great blessing to know that none of us are walking this isolating and complicated path alone.

In loving people with dementia, my strength(finder) of ‘Input’ led to learning about many medications we take as we age causing cognitive decline, including a medication that I was taking to improve my sleep. So, I’m going to place some blame on my disconnect from writing on that, plus a little bit of trauma and maybe just too much caring for others and not enough caring for myself. Having something beautiful to write about helps, and as we reach the end of Pride Month, I would like to share something, and someone, beautiful.

In March, I heard from my friend that her surgery had gone well. This was the final chapter in her becoming. From the age of five, she knew that the body ‘parts’ that defined her identity to society did not match who she was on the inside. It would take fifty years for her to manifest a sense of wholeness in her body to match the expansiveness of her brilliantly boundless heart and mind.

I know that many people struggle with the idea of being transgender. It can be difficult to understand something that is not true for oneself. For me, it makes perfect sense. Since my mid-twenties, I have lived in a body that does not express my truth but hides it. It is not the parts I have that are wrong, but the size and shape of them. Inside, I am ‘every woman’. I am happy, optimistic, filled with a sense of love for the world and hope for the future. On the outside, I am what our society diminishes and disqualifies from the worthiness of being heard, held, and loved. I have walked in self-loathing for decades, have had 80% of my stomach removed, and have on many occasions fantasized about cutting away my belly, hips, and thighs with a butcher knife. Many people engage in changing their bodies through liposuction, tummy tucks, nose jobs, facelifts, and such. We ALL want to see in the mirror a reflection of who we are so that no one can question our authenticity.

When I imagine myself with a penis, it feels like something I would add to my list of things I might change about my body. So, you can possibly see why when my friend shared her news with me, my reply was to suggest a sacred ceremony of celebration to mark her transformation into the fullness of womanhood she has always yearned for. I was delighted when she said, “Yes” to Rebirth.

I knew that my friend had been drawn to the archetype of Artemis, which happens to be my goddess, too, so as I planned a ritual of rebirth, I also planned an initiation into the Sisterhood of Artemis. Artemis chose my Tribe in 1999, and we have mindfully walked with her these many years. When becoming Artemis, one can no longer continue drowning in the false belief of self-doubt and unworthiness. If you walk with Her long enough, you will find that it all eventually falls away, and what remains is pure, unwavering love of self and others.

Planning a sacred ceremony for any kind of transformation is my happy place. But feeling so disconnected from that mystery of what moves through me when I create reminded me of starting up a gas engine that sat too long during the pandemic. Even now, I can see the valves and pistons in my mind spitting and sputtering while seeking clarity. I had ideas for powerful symbolism and quickly placed orders for two items that should arrive the next day. Had I not known better, I would have guessed Mercury was retrograde when I was notified that one item was damaged in shipping and had been returned to sender. I was able to order it again for delivery a day later, a day before the ritual. But later that day, when the second item was reported as delivered, I found they had given me someone else’s order and there was nothing to be done to acquire my own package. I tried to duplicate the order, like the previous lost item, but the new delivery date was too late.

I am a firm believer in seeing rejection as redirection, so I simply chose to look through my own collection of items gathered over 25 years to find an even more powerful symbol than the one originally ordered, which was now a blessing to a stranger. Ultimately, everything came together in absolute perfection, much as it did for my friend whose body had been transformed. I think the best part of receiving the wrong package was the message we received from the Universe in affirmation of the task for which we prepared. It was a sheet of round stickers that read, “IT’S A GIRL!” (I really couldn’t make that up, ya’ll.)

I know that traditionalists would never share the details of such a ceremony, but my hope is that someone will read this and be inspired to take what is offered and alter it or use it word-for-word to create something special for someone they love who would rise into the glow of their true self by the acknowledgment and care of those who value them not only for who they were, but for who they’ve become. A glorious being of divine truth.

For every sacred being who walks this path to wholeness, theirs is the way of the warrior. They have surely battled many for the right to feel joyful in their own skin, including their parents, their healthcare providers, their local government, their communities, and the most difficult challenge of all, themselves through feelings of shame, fear, and loathing.

Each and all deserve welcome, initiation, and celebration. May these words be a guideline and a blessing. May they spark a revolution of inclusion and homecoming.

On the altar: I had a sprig of dried white sage, a beeswax candle, a bottle of rainwater I had collected on the eve of Summer Solstice, a dish of flaked sea salt, a dish of strawberries for the full moon by that name, a ritual blade to honor the masculine divine, and two chalices to represent the feminine divine; one of cobalt crystal that my parents gave me at the beginning of my spiritual journey, and the other of copper, a gift for my friend at the beginning of hers. I also had a cameo pendant of Artemis on a silver chain, which came from my own collection when the one I ordered failed to arrive. A far more powerful offering, I think.

TRANSFORMATION AND REBIRTHING CEREMONY

Casting the Circle
We cast this circle upon the earth, within the astral, and in the realm of the mighty ones.  This sacred circle has no beginning and is never-ending.  Within this ring of protection stands a magickal forest.  Within this forest, no harm will touch the children of Artemis.  The circle is cast.  So mote it be.

Invoking the Elements
We cast our gaze into the East, seeking the blessings of Her Sacred Bees.  We stand at the Airy gate focused on setting our silver arrows into flight.  We ask for clear knowing and seeing to direct us through this rite of rebirth, like a healing swarm of bees buzzing toward golden honey.  Bring to us your blessings of sweetness and new beginnings. Hail and Welcome elements of Air.

We cast our gaze into the South, seeking the blessings of Her Sacred Hounds.  We stand at the Firey gate with accomplished arrow, piercing passion.  We seek your gifts of right action, burning away injustice, illuminating our empowerment.  Bring to us your blessings of radiant transformation. Hail and Welcome elements of Fire.

We cast our gaze into the West, seeking the blessings of Her Sacred Stag.  We stand at the Watery gate, reflecting on lessons learned and wisdom gained.  We seek your gifts of abundant love and flowing temperance.  Bring to us your blessings of cleansing rebirth. Hail and Welcome elements of Water.

We cast our gaze into the North, seeking the blessings of Mother Bear.  We stand at the Earthly gate with our feet planted firmly to pull back our bows of intention.  We seek your gifts of mountainous strength and the protection of forest sanctuary.  Bring to us your blessings of ancient truth.  Hail and Welcome elements of Earth.

The Charge of Artemis
You come to me in sacred grove and forest glen and run with me to the beat of my beloved King Stag’s hooves.  We are illuminated, body and spirit, by the radiance of the sickle moon.  As night and moon wax, so does our power.  Together we wander the hallowed wood and rest at the soft belly of the Great Mother Black Bear beneath my sacred Cypress.

It is clear vision you seek; focus for desire.  With my arms around you, together we grasp the ancient bow of the great harvest.  Your hand in mine, we pull back the glistening string that holds the silver arrow at attention.  Precision is ours, as we become one, your desire is mine, and mine is yours… we take aim, and send our arrows flying swiftly to our goal.

Long ago, you tended my shrine, a sacred Bee, devoted to bathing my essence in honey and wine.  No longer standing are the shrines of old, yet still, you return to my altar at nature’s womb.  As you have always belonged to me, I have ever been within you.  When you were hurting, I was the strength that flooded your being.  When you could finally rise, together we set forth through the unknown mountain scape seeking the right and true path.  Once you found your yearning, I brought you clear vision and focus, bringing ambition into action, which led you promptly to fulfillment. Together we shall dance in celebration of unbridled truth.

Holy Maiden Huntress, Artemis – We bid thee Hail and Welcome!

Ritual Purpose
This ritual is a celebration of my friend’s transformation and becoming. The deeply personal journey of over a decade, in actuality a lifetime, has come full circle into new beginnings… once a longing for wholeness, now fully manifest.

She wishes to honor her journey with gratitude and to relish rebirth with reverence as she is initiated into the sisterhood of Artemis.

Honoring the Former
The Initiate enters the circle cloaked and reads a letter she has written to her former self. It reflects on the gratitude to the vessel and to the mind that enabled good health and great success.

Officiant Honors the Former
You came into my life over 20 years ago. It has always felt like a gift to know you and to bear witness to the fullness of your ability to live your life not only open to receiving but with an insistence on attainment. You grab life by the shoulders and live it. I love that about you. Thank you for inviting me to be your friend.

Honoring Her Wholeness
Initiate drops her cloak, to reveal her body transformed and reads a declaration of intention to her new self.

Officiant Honors Her Wholeness
Dear one, I always felt honored to be invited into your journey of self-discovery. For so long I witnessed your dance with finding your true expression and what must have been monumental decisions to be made about what constitutes your personal sense of wholeness. Today, I honor your truth and celebrate your glorious transformation into womanhood. Welcome to the light, beautiful being. If you would grace me with the honor, I would invite you to be my sister. Are you ready to be initiated? [Dedicant replies, “Yes!”]

ARTEMIS INITIATION INTO WOMANHOOD
The officiant stands before the dedicant and says: “Better ye fall upon this blade than to enter into this rite with fear in your heart. Who are you?” [dedicant speaks her name]

“Why have you come?” Dedicant replies,
[“I have come to be initiated into the mysteries of womanhood and to pledge my devotion to Artemis.” She shares her story of how Artemis came into her life.]

Dedicant is asperged with salt water, “By water and earth do I bless and consecrate this sacred vessel.”

Dedicant is smudged with burning sage, “By fire and air do I cleanse and purify this sacred vessel.”

Officiant washes Dedicant’s hands with rainwater, and states, “The light of Her moon illuminates your path. She brings you the gift of clear vision and deep knowing.”

Officiant annoints Dedicant’s forehead with Artemis Oil and states, “The light of Her moon illuminates your path. She brings you the gift of being authentic to the world and true to yourself.”

Officiant pours from her own chalice into the Dedicant’s chalice, a symbol of womb wisdom shared, and says, “The light of Her moon illuminates your path. She brings you the gift of healing wisdom and nurturing comfort.”

Officiant places the Artemis amulet at the Dedicant’s throat and says, “The light of Her moon illuminates your path. She brings you the gift of being grounded, centered, and one with nature.”

Both raise their chalices and recite, “Hail Maiden, full of grace, Power is with Thee. Blessed are you, Artemis of the Moon, and Blessed are those you have chosen. Holy Huntress, Protector of the Wild, be with us now and always. Blessed be.” They take a drink.

The officiant says to the newly initiated, “You have been in liminal space these many years. You have been the caterpillar inside your holy chrysalis in a state of sacred becoming. Now, you are the butterfly. Artemis is the ancient and wise midwife of souls and She has seen you reborn. Daughter of Artemis, WELCOME TO THE LIGHT! You are perfection in your wholeness and you are loved without condition. You and I, we are Sisters of Artemis. Hail and Welcome, [NAME] of Artemis!

Blessing for (Re)Birth
(slightly adapted from John O’Donohue’s To Bless the Space Between Us)
Blessed be the mind that dreamed the day the blueprint of your life would begin to glow on earth, Illuminating all the faces and voices that would arrive to invite your soul to growth.
   Praised be your father and mother, who loved you before you were, and trusted to call you here with no idea who you would be. 
  Blessed be those who have loved you into becoming who you were meant to be, Blessed be those who have crossed your life with dark gifts of hurt and loss that have helped to school your mind in the art of disappointment.
   When desolation surrounded you, Blessed be those who looked for you and found you, their kind hands urgent to open a blue window in the gray wall formed around you.
   Blessed be the gifts you never notice, your health, eyes to behold the world, thoughts to countenance the unknown, memory to harvest vanished days, your heart to feel the world’s waves, your breath to breathe the nourishment of distance made intimate by earth.
On this echoing day of your rebirth, may you open the gift of solitude in order to receive your soul; enter the generosity of silence to hear your hidden heart; know the serenity of stillness to be enfolded anew by the miracle of your being.

Farewell to Artemis
Holy Maiden, beloved goddess of moonlight and wilderness, we are grateful for your many blessings and for your presence in this sacred rite of rebirth as your devotee has been initiated into your holy company of sacred beings. May she forever be protected by your bow, may her every endeavor be pierced by your silver arrows, may she receive your messages of guidance with clarity, and may she always be grounded in the foundation of your love. With reverence and grace, we bid thee hail and farewell.

Farewell to the Elements
We are grateful to the Great Bear of the North, to the King Stag of the West, to the Wild Hounds of the South, and to the Golden Bees of the East. Thank you for your blessings of bone and blood, spirit and breath. That you surround us and become us is not lost on us. With reverence and grace, we bid thee hail and farewell.

Opening the Circle
This circle may now be open upon the earth, but it is ever cast in the home of protection within the realm of the mighty ones. There, our souls are eternally gathered in sisterhood and in togetherness. Now our minds are one. Now… we are one.

Dear ones, if you’ve been feeling disconnected from your true self and yearning to feel connected and whole, may you be blessed with coming home to yourself and the grand celebration of your beautiful truth. Be sure that among your offerings of great care that you are freely offering that goodness to yourself. And always remember that every day brings another opportunity for rebirth.

Thank you for walking this path with me. I love knowing you are here.