At the end of 2015 my soul-sister and childhood friend embarked on a healing journey. She is such a beacon of positivity and light that you would never know the darkness through which she has come. Her heart is so big and so open, you could not imagine that it had once been mishandled, manipulated, abandoned, and betrayed. Her generous heart just keeps shining, giving, expanding.
She is one of my great heroes, and without a doubt, a soul with whom I shall always resonate… together, we create a kind of harmony. She came into my life when we were ten years old, and though there have been separations of time and distance, when we come together, it feels as if no time has passed, because clearly… we are always together… hearts singing to one another over the miles.
Our favorite pastime is what we call ‘couch time’. This is when and where we go deep. The season that her healing began brought us ample couch time, as she was staying with me while working on a project in town. She engaged the support of an intuitive life coach during this visit, and it was from her first session that our assignment was delivered.
I never wanted to have children of my own, though I’ve always been grateful for the faery goddess babies in my life, that are the sacred legacy of dearest friends who have nurtured my presence in the lives of their children. I’ve witnessed the joy, pride and glory of motherhood through many of my girlfriends, and I’ve witnessed the sorrow and heartbreak of some whose longing for such a blessing did not come to fruition. This is where our story begins.
Being separated by distance sometimes does not allow us to be witness to the suffering of loved ones. With 2,000 miles between us, I fear that, at the time, I was aware of my dear one’s miscarriage, but perhaps failed to be present with her at the time of her loss and grief. I was grateful to have the opportunity to make up for my failure, when she shared with me the task before her.
The very first mission of her healing journey was to make peace with the loss of her son. It was suggested that the work would be most powerful and effective at the Winter Solstice. It was early December and she was about to return home, but she asked me to help her with this endeavor, and booked a flight to return for couch time later that month.
My own spiritual path of the last 26 years spirals around the Celtic wheel of the year, and the significance of a ritual to greet her son on the day that the ancients celebrated the rebirth of the Sun was not lost on me. I set forth to create for her a sacred space in which to find celebration and closure.
The following meditation was inspired by my journey to Ireland in 2008. As I walked into the passage tomb known as Newgrange or Bru Na Boinne, it was clear to me that we were walking into the womb of Mother Earth. It can be seen from everywhere in the Boyne Valley, and this is where the people of this region would bring the cremains of their loved ones. There is a window box over the only doorway through which the rising sun enters only once a year… on the Winter Solstice.
It is my strong belief that they were longing for the rebirth of their beloveds, along with the rebirth of the Sun, as this is the time of year (in the northern hemisphere) we see the longest night… from which point the days begin to grow longer. This is the journey that my friend and I shared on the longest night of 2015.
The journey into darkness has been a long and difficult spiral inward. You have come to this place, upon a frosted, moonlit valley, to seek healing, comfort, and to lay down your burdens. In your mind’s eye, you travel over the river… the surface alive with movement – spirals ascend as if to caress the face of the moon.
You journey upward, to that ancient place on the hill… the earthen mound that can be seen from anywhere in the valley… the womb of the Mother. As you approach, following the path that leads to the curb stone that marks the entrance, an Irish Hare pops up from the landscape, and dashes off, into the night. You arrive at the portal stone and run your fingers over the petroglyphs left upon the stone more than 5,000 years ago… clearly symbols of the river that brings bounty to this valley, and the cycle of life, death, and rebirth.
Now, you step forward and walk into the doorway, surrounded, as you move forward, by megalithic stones that form a passage, protective walls, and ceiling. It is dark here, and you step with intention, guided by the feel of the protective granite, but it is safe, and you can breathe with ease, knowing that you are safe in the belly of the Mother. As the wall begins to curve, you know that you have reached the center… slightly up hill from the ground from which you entered. Here, you take a seat… and wait.
On the longest night, you find peace in the darkness. You have come here to reconnect with the one you thought lost, the one who tried his best to come to fruition as the child of your womb… the son of your heart. It is here, in this ancient, sacred place… that you are finally able to give him a name. Here, before you, a shadowy image begins to emerge and take shape in the darkness. Outside, the very edge of the top of the sun is kissing the horizon, and a tiny ray of light has begun to journey toward you, across the cool stone floor. The pale light allows you to see that there is a large stone basin in the center of the chamber, and the small being that is emerging from the darkness is a young boy… who bears a striking resemblance to someone familiar.
As the light continues to gather in the chamber, you are able to see more clearly now, and the boy before you holds out his hands, reaching for you, and as you lean in… you feel the small, dry, warm palms upon each side of your face. As you look deeply into those eyes… YOUR eyes, gazing lovingly back at you… you are finally able to have that conversation that your soul has longed to share. Greet him by name… and take the time you need to speak with one another. Say the words that float from your heart to wrap him in mother’s love… and wait to hear his reply. There is no need to rush, in this sacred place… you are both, for this moment… timeless.
When words have been shared, tears have been shed, and laughter has tickled the tips of your toes… you look again, into those familiar, beautiful eyes that reflect all that is perfect in this world… the one who has never let you down… recognizing YOURSELF as great warrior of your own story, you are able to release the feeling of loss and sorrow, feeling in your heart, that it has been replaced by gratitude and joy.
By now, the bottom of the sun has gently caressed the horizon, and its beams of pure, radiant, healing light are streaming through the window above the doorway to the passage… and the altar stone, upon which your sacred child is seated, is enveloped with a golden light. As you gaze upon his beloved being, you gasp to realize that HE has become the light. Every cell of his body has begun to shimmer, like sparkling gold. He reaches for you again, and you take him into your arms for a final embrace.
When you both have shared the comfort of touch, and are ready to say… farewell, for now… you loosen your grip, and his shimmering being pours through your body with a warming, glow of golden light. He has been released from this world, and his radiance leads you gently out of the ancient mound, and back into the full, warm light of the sun. It is a new day, and you feel refreshed and light. You are ready to emerge from the passage… and for the new opportunities that you shall bring to birth in the days and months ahead.
We are the earth. We are the womb. Come rising sun. Lead us from the tomb.
Beautiful being… welcome to the light!
Through these words, and upon this journey within, my friend found the closure she sought. She made peace with her sorrow and regret, and found a way to have a relationship with a soul that she cannot see, but that surrounds her and moves her, despite the limitations of an earthly body.
If you are aching for the loss of a loved one, whether or not you knew her or him in a form made manifest, know that my soul-sister and I are holding you close. We invite you to take this journey into yourself, and there, we hope you may find comfort and deep peace. Love and brightest blessings shine brightly upon your sacred journey.
2 thoughts on “The Once and Future Son”
That was beautiful! Put me where you have been. Thought of my sister as she has lost her son. You are so gifted, please continue to share with us.
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Thank you so much for sharing this journey with me.