Today I was blessed to spend time with a dear friend with whom I feel safe to go deep. We found each other at the beginning of my tenure at the workplace I left last June. I had a certain bumper sticker that alerted her to a kindred spirit on the grounds, and I was delighted to find her business card tucked into my car window that December afternoon. When I responded to the note she was already gone for the holiday, therefore our destined meeting was delayed. We set a lunch date upon her return, and on that day I walked into the building and got onto the elevator with a stunningly beautiful, petite woman of color and between us a kind of electricity resonated. Somehow, though we had only exchanged a note through email, we knew that we had just found each other without even trying. This is how our story goes… time passes and we reconnect, deeply sharing and caring, mutually delivering epiphany and expansion… without even trying.
Neither of us left that place of business (after nearly two decades) by choice, though her departure preceded mine by a few years. I remember something she said to me, as I was still recovering from the shock of my own forced leaving. She shared with me a truth that is known only to those who have escaped the corporate world and managed to find their own way on the outside. She said that in that place, they would reward us one moment and tell us we weren’t good enough the next, and that if I should choose to create a life for myself outside of that tyranny, I would discover that I am not really a failure, or not quite cutting it, or that I excel at one thing but disappoint elsewhere. If I had the courage to create a future for myself that was beyond those confines, I would discover the glorious truth of my being… that I am quite emphatically… enough.
Today we chose to have lunch at our favorite bohemian spot downtown, before heading over to the ravine for a walk in nature that remains one of our city’s best kept secrets. Something happened, that one would not expect in such an establishment, where most guests dine because there are no animals harmed in the production of one’s meal. A woman entered the crowded entry and cut in line. It was forgivable, since it seemed more like a mob than a line, but the weird thing was this woman’s behavior towards us… and more so toward my friend. When she suggested that my friend should give up her designer purse to raise money for the homeless, and my friend gently declined (assuming she was joking), she was accused of not being Christian. Now, neither of us happen to be Christian, but I would argue that she and I are certainly more Christ-like than this poor soul. When my friend shared with her that she felt she was being inappropriate, she pulled out her phone and threatened to call the police. It was the strangest thing I’d ever witnessed. My first assumption was that this woman was mentally ill, but when I had a moment to reflect on my friend’s ability to stand up for herself… I realized that this behavior is something she has had to deal with her whole life. This, my friends, is called white privilege. In my lifetime, I have had the privilege of NOT having to deal with the poor behavior of racists. Fat shamers, yes. Racists, no.
When we sat down to share sustenance, I was expressing to my beloved friend my sense of rage, outrage, anger, and shame for what is happening in our country. Not that this behavior is anything new, especially to those with skin tones beyond the shade of beige. But the climate nursed by having a racist fascist regime in the White House is clearly giving rise to behaviors and atrocities that are also not new to this world. In fact, we’ve seen this behavior within the last century. It is sickening to me to be witness to this downward spiral of our beloved country. Day after day our senses are being assaulted by sheer hatred and vapid ignorance. One doesn’t have to be sensitive or even psychic to be able to see where we are headed. It is just so incomprehensible to believe that this goes on and gets worse each and every day, and that it feels as if there is no end in sight… until the day comes when they come for me… and there is no one left to speak.
I have struggled with the concept of not wanting to add negative energy into the mire of our destruction, feeling that my best action is to send it light and love with every fiber of my being to remind the Universe that there is still purity and peace on this planet, and that if we can all raise our vibrations in songs of love, rather than in screams of anger, we might just manage to overcome this darkness. I expressed this inner turmoil to my friend, because the truth is that I am over the moon with rage, my anger could fuel a thousand suns, I could melt every weapon of death and destruction with my repulsion to their very existence… but I just don’t know how to express all of these things in a way that could possibly add positive energy to the pool of possibility.
Now my friend is very wise, and she assured me that I would find a way. She reminded me of the ‘me too’ movement and how so many women remained silent for so long, and it only led to the harm of more women. I have always hoped and believed that if I had been of age during the civil rights era that I would have linked arms with other humans to stand for what is just and right, because the truth is… we are all one. And so, I find myself arguing with the me that longs to feel a sense of peace within her soul, and the me that wants to rise up with the force of every mother with fearless hearts throughout history who would stand up like Molly Weasley and say, “NOT. MY. DAUGHTER. YOU. BITCH!”
So, I may continue to focus on the light that I can bring into the world and try really, really hard not to allow the venom and cuss words that keep rising to tongue’s-tip to escape in a way that is damaging to my veneer of sweetness and light. However, let it be known that what is happening in this country, be it bigotry, misogyny, racism, violence and discrimination against LGBTQ, or Muslims, or Immigrants, or Blacks, or Hispanics, or Jews, or ANYONE having a say about what I choose to do or NOT do with MY uterus IS NOT OKAY!!!! And I am putting the patriarchy on notice! THE GODDESS IS RISING AND YOU HAD BEST NOT MESS WITH THE SACRED BEING WHO GAVE BIRTH TO YOUR GOD!
Also, I am breathing deeply of the love that still permeates this great land of ours. I am reminded that we can often take the light for granted when we fail to honor the darkness. And so I want you to know that I see you, darkness. I see you and I honor your will of destruction. For if there is one thing I have learned through the study of the divine feminine it is this… we must destroy what is no longer serving us in order to create something fresh, beautiful, and new. So, finally… here’s to the new beginnings, dear ones. May we all survive to see the dawn of a new day. So mote it be.
Bee the Light 