A dear friend is completing her internship for the Expressive Arts program she’s been studying for the last year and a half, and I am grateful to have been invited to play a tiny role in her sacred journey of becoming.
Several of us have signed on for a six week program that will conclude with her course completion and certification. We were instructed to bring six photos from different stages of our lives, and an open heart. For some, just the process of exploring the archives and selecting this assortment of memories was an emotional journey. As we gathered last Thursday for our first session, finding chairs in a circle dressed with 9×12 sketch pads and writing utensils, with a box of tissues in the center… we knew we would be going deep.
What happens in circle stays in circle, of course, but I can tell you that when asked for a word to describe how I was feeling… my word was: EXCITED! Seriously, I love this shit. To me, life is not worth living on the surface. I want to dive deep into the poetry and meaning of every little thing and solve the complex mystery of my own truth.
I don’t want to give away everything that we did in our first session (because you are definitely going to want to attend your own workshop series with my friend – the certified expressive arts facilitator), but I thought I would share, as I so often do, parts of my own vulnerable deep dive.
This first week was dedicated to the photo of our youngest selves. My youngest photo was a tiny Melissa passed out in her crib, wearing a cloth diaper, sprawled out over Mrs. Beasley in repose. Bright red birthmark on her upper calf that caused people to gasp in horror (What happened?!) for many years to follow. As I glance at this photo now, I imagine reading her a bedtime story right before she smothers her patient and devoted dolly. So… this is what I wrote…
Dear Sweet Melissa ~
I wish I could hold you in my arms and make you feel loved enough, safe enough, cherished enough.
I wish I could teach you that the happiness of others is not your debt to carry or your problem to fix.
I wish you could be blessed with a vacation incarnation where joy and laughter come easily and shame and regret would only be found in works of fiction.
I wish I could build you up with love and pride and never consider harming you with hurtful words and unrealistic expectations.
I wish I could protect you from those who will betray and abandon you. I wish I could teach you to give your precious heart only to the deserving.
If I could take you into my arms today, I would hold you and love you most of all – for no soul in all of creation deserves my full care and devotion more than you, sweet, beautiful, being of perfection.
I would rock you and kiss your sacred crown with every blessing the Goddess of Abundance grants upon every vessel of Her creation. And you would know, without a doubt that you are a sacred child of the universe and a radiant, treasured gift to this world.
I love you most of all, Me
PS: You will be blessed to have such remarkable friends in your life. Be sure they know they are sacred to you.
To be clear, this child has a pretty extraordinary life ahead of her, but there will be moments that are challenging and heartbreaking, as well as those which are life altering and affirming. I think it would serve her well to understand that everyone has insecurities and lacks a sense of belonging at times. And even when she feels lost and alone, she will later reflect on the truth that she was always exactly where she was supposed to be, and she was always supported by an enormous amount of love from sources known and unseen.
I can’t wait to see what’s in store for elementary aged Melissa. I’m going to embrace the heck out of that beautiful little being of light.
Have you ever considered writing a love note to your younger selves? I wonder what you would have to say. Thank you for walking this path with me, dear ones. In case you missed the message… YOU ARE SACRED TO ME.
One thought on “Bedtime Story”
These words below from your story brought tears to my eyes.
‘I wish I could teach you that the happiness of others is not your debt to carry or your problem to fix.’
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